Wow its been a while....

well here i am again. its been a couple days but i have been so busy at work. Where are we? hmm well i started all the Dr. visits with u/s and b/w every other day, been super busy at work since i am missing a couple hours a week, DH started his new job and that is taking time for me to adjust too and i think thats about it.
So i have been doing my Lupron and Gonal F shots and everything went pretty good. Last cycle i have a bunch of follies that just all of a sudden took off and grew over the weekend and we almost had to cancel the cycle but we were ok, well that ended in a BFN so here we are again on the 2nd cycle with the new Dr. and its been really good this cycle, according to the them i am having the perfect cycle. I started off growing slowly, and the estrogen was slowly rising unlike last time and so far i have one really good follie that is ready and one that is just 1 mm behind where they would like it to be. So the nurse called lastnight to tell me that the 23x21 and the 17x15 will be good enough the Dr. wanted me to trigger just incase my body wanted to do like last time and all of a sudden bloom so i triggered lastnight and just waiting now for Thursday for my IUI. I am so nervous and ready at the same time.. Guess we will see how it goes, i will update tom. when i get a minute after the IUI.......

2 a day and the Dr's office i go play...

well it has been a couple days since i updated but i have been kinda busy. So Tuesday i started the 2 shots a day, my lupron and now the gonal-f. i am somewhat excited about this cycle, i think its because we are trying something new with alittle more success rate than just BIO on our own. I happen to think the only downside is having to make the long drive to the Dr.'s office frequently. So i went today to see how everything is progressing and i had a couple follies on each side that were 6mm and 7mm and my blood results were good, my estrogen was 181 and i am on CD4. Nurse said alittle weird since my lining was alittle thin but we will recheck everything again on Monday. Now i go about every 3 days until the follies take off then i go everyday until they are ready.
so hmm what else?!  i got a package in from my NSA today and it was totally awesome she got me a yankee candle that just smells delish not to mention yankee candles are the best of the best in my opinion. i also got these cool rubber, flexible bowls that will work awesome when i bake (which is about every weekend), a ball for Chief (dog) which he hasnt put down since i gave it to him, a toy for Newne (cat) that she played with right when i gave it to her (that is unusal), some chocolate coverd pretzels that are almost gone, and some jasmine green tea that i cant wait to try out in the morning.
we went to a new chinese place tonight with my mom and her boyfriend and had some awesome food including sushi that was soo soo soo good, i even got my DH to try some which he loved. Now i am home nesting, typing this and drinking a glass of wine.
Oh yeah DH also got the job he wanted and he goes on Monday for all his paperwork and find out when he starts, only thing bad is we will no longer have IF coverage which totally sucks ass but hey he will be making more money and after talking to the nurse today it is about $4000 a IUI cycle for patients who dont have insurance so i think we can swing that for a couple months but then what? I just dont understand all these people out there that cant care for the kids they have but yet they keep popping them out like its nothing and say it so hard to prevent it from happening, or what about all the children in foster or adoption shelters? why is it so expensive to adopt them, to me the state would want them to leave asap so they dont have to pay for them anymore. i mean it is like giving your arm, leg, kidney and left eye for a child who at that time doesnt have a chance in life where he is now so why not make it easier for those who qualify and want a child to give them something they never had.... i know some may be reading this and saying wow i cant believe she said that but you know, the hell with you, i am so tired of all this infertility crap, i would make an awesome mom and beable to give my child alot more then some out there. I just dont understand it all and at times it gets so frustrating... so tom. i am sure will also be a crappy day, so my cousion who is also my neighbor is PG and its hard sometimes to deal with that, they already have a DD who is 12 and now they are having another LO who was the result of the first month off BCP (this erks me also) and they go for the sex u/s and hwe words to me were oh how did the dr. go so i told her and her response was well atleast you get to see my LO tom., we are going do the u/s and they give us a cd of it so you will get to watch when yall come over for supper (which is almost everynight we are all together). dont get me wrong i am super excited for her but it just hurts when she says stuff like that or complains about being PG i just look at her and say stop because you have no idea. I was never a bitter person but since i started this journey i became bitter and a total emotional mess. I just try not to think about everything, keep my head up and pray that something will work out for us once in our lives....

Monday Monday Monday

This weekend just flew by.... :( I hate Mondays.  Well on Friday night we finally went pick out and pay for the new furniture for the living room (been in new house for 6 months now) and then went at Carroba's then called it a night, we were both tired from working all week. Sunday we woke up bright and early to cut grass and do all the outside work that needed to be done and we were done and bathed by noon which is a miracle; we have alittle over 5 acres to keep up as actual yard. Then the rest of the day we swam, BBQ'ed, and then i got the call that my cousion is PG again, she claims it was a total accident and didnt want to get PG(and told me this even though she knows what we are going through), she had cancer about a year ago and had to have one of her kidneys removed about 6 months ago and the Dr. ordered her to take every precaution to not get PG because it can kill her due to only one kindey well yeah that didnt happen. So i was a little depressed Saturday but we drank and swam some more with some awesome friends so it didnt take long for me to forget about it. Saturday was another blah day DH had to work in the morning but was home for around noon; while he was gone i went through the 3 extra rooms in the house and cleaned out everything. When we moved we just pretty much took everything out of storage and stuck in the 3 extra rooms and only unpacked what we needed and wanted, well Saturday i had so much trash it was crazy we filled up the bed of the truck 3 times. I dont think i was ever so excited to organize and go through our stuff but the after was totally worth it. Now i have a Sewing/Craft room, an office and then the empty room which will be the nursery hopefully one day real soon. Thats it now its Monday back to work and ready to go home and snuggle with DH, he took off today to go on a job interview with an awesome company with super awesome pay. Well keeping fingers crossed that he gets it even though they dont offer IF insurance coverage but the pay increase would beable to cover what isnt covered. Well i guess thats how it all goes. Anyway, lots to do today so i better get to it so i can go home...

The things we do for a baby

So today i ordered the rest of my meds to start this cycle and as i was paying for them over the phone with the pharmacy i was thinking to myself, the things we do for a baby. What happens to all the people who deserve to be parents but can't have them? I mean not everyone has insurance or not everyone has infertility insurance. What do they do? Do they just save until they can try or do they just give up? I just couldnt imagine my house and family without the little pitter patter of feet running around. I am a blessed one who has insurance with infertility coverage so the out of pocket expense is not that big of a deal. When the lady on the phone told me the total i about fell out my chair then she said well that is the total but insurance covers 85% of it so you are only responsible for a couple hundred dollars, now i can breath again. I know we are financially stable to have a baby but the more treatments you go through the more that nest egg saved just for baby goes down, so then you have to think to yourself ok when is enough enough? It makes me so mad when people come in to my office or i see people at the store or people i actually know say oh i am PG again but we can barely afford the ones we got now, or oh it was an accident, or oh we werent even trying, or the one that makes me the madest is when the people just dont care about the kids and just let them run around with snotty noses and dirty clothes and over saturated diapers. I mean here we are paying alot of money for no guaranteed and going through alot of things emotionally and here you are not even worrying about your kids or not even that thankful that they are here and yours. My DH always tells me well you know God only gives you what you can handle, but i always want to tell him well i cant handle to much more of this.

IUI #1 Underway

well had a great day today so far. My Dr.'s office is about an hour and a half from my house so i asked my mom if she wanted to ride along with me and i would take the whole day off  of work and we would go shopping at the mall after. So we left at 6 am this morning and headed to Dr., i did the bloodwork and the ultrasound and had the consultation with the nurse. Having PCOS your ovaries always look different from normal people well today they were shocked mine were free and clear and looked great; i ordered the rest of the meds and was completely cleared to start the new cycle that will lead to IUI #1. So tonight is shot number 1 of the Lupron and i am somewhat excited that we are cleared to start a new cycle but kinda sad we have to do another cycle but hey what can you do. Well after the Dr. we went to the cake decorating store and stocked up on a bunch of things that we were running low on and then headed to the mall of Louisiana and ate lunch then shopped all day. Oh and of course we had to make the stop to Godiva, oh man they have the best chocolate covered strawberries and then they have strawberries and pieces of pineapple on a stick drizzled in chocolate that are just a piece of heaven in your mouth; oh i could eat that all day they are a must try for anyone who never did. Now i am home about to put on a bathing suit, jump in the pool and drink a couple margarittas until DH gets home. I know i should be getting supper ready but i think i will completely take the day off and not do anything, i am sure he can fend for himself tonight. So all in all today was a total success and we are on to a plan that hopefully will bring us a sticky baby.

Well Here It Goes

So this makes the first time i write on a blog so bare with me..
I always wanted to start a blog to just have an outlet in my life so here it is.

About me hmm well i am a 26 year old from Louisiana that likes to cook, bake and do just about any craft that i can. I was married in 2006 to a wonderful and very supportive man, we have had our ups and downs but for the most part it is just life and married life is what you make it. We are currently trying to start a family with no luck so far but our time will come sooner or later. We are seeing a great Dr. and going through alot of things right now, having PCOS is a challenge but hey life has challenges. We are about to start a new cycle where we will do our first IUI and i am somewhat nervous. I have an apt. tom. to get cleared to start the meds and get the plan for the month which should be interesting. When i was little i had the same dream as just about every little girl, grow up with a successful career, have the house of your dreams, and family; but i grew up and everything has changed. I have a job, have a house and a great DH now just the family. If you would have told me 10 years ago that i would have this much trouble having kids i would have laughed and told you yeah right infertility isn't that big of an issue. Well here i am faced with infertility that beats you up emotionally, physically, financially and mentally.